Back-to-School Anxiety: Let’s Invite Some Kindness
It's the week before school starts back up. You might be lying awake thinking about whether you bought the right backpack, if your child will make friends, and whether you've somehow already failed them before the school year even starts. Sound familiar?
You're scrolling through social media, seeing other parents who seem to have it all together, those wildly intricate bento lunches (but, HOW?) and crafty first-day photos. Meanwhile, you're wondering if you're the only one who feels completely overwhelmed by the back-to-school season. You are not alone in this, and your anxiety doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.
How can parents manage back-to-school anxiety using self-compassion?
Parents can manage back-to-school anxiety through three key self-compassion practices: treating themselves with kindness instead of harsh judgment, recognizing that parenting struggles are part of the shared human experience, and mindfully observing their anxiety without getting overwhelmed by it. Practical strategies include creating self-compassion check-ins and redefining success beyond perfect outcomes. The goal is to parent from calm confidence rather than anxious perfectionism.
Why Back-to-School Anxiety Hits Parents So Hard
Back-to-school season can trigger the deepest parenting fears and perfectionist tendencies. If you're someone who typically excels in other areas of your life, the uncertainty of how your child will navigate school can feel particularly unsettling. Many people who struggle with anxiety and/or perfectionism find that parenting amplifies these same patterns.
◎ You can't control your child's experience the way you can control a work project
◎ Other parents seem to have it figured out (spoiler alert: they don't!)
◎ You're measuring your parenting success by your child's academic and social outcomes
What Self-Compassion Offers Anxious Parents
Self-compassion isn't about lowering your standards or caring less about your child's success. It's about creating the emotional safety you need to parent from a place of calm confidence rather than anxious perfectionism.
1. Self-Kindness: Treating Yourself Like a Good Friend
When your inner critic starts spiraling ("I should have prepared better," "Other parents would have handled this differently"), self-kindness asks: What would you say to your best friend in this situation?
Instead of: "I'm a terrible parent for forgetting to fill out that form"
Try this: ► "I'm learning as I go, just like every other parent. Missing one form doesn't define my parenting."
Instead of: "My child is struggling because I didn't do enough over the summer"
Try this: ► "Every child adjusts at their own pace. I'm here to support them through this transition."
After working with perfectionist clients, I've noticed that the harshest critic is often the voice in our own heads. Learning to speak to yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a friend can transform your entire parenting experience.
2. Common Humanity: You're Not the Only One
Perfectionist parents often feel like they're the only ones struggling while everyone else has it figured out. Common humanity reminds us that parenting anxiety is part of the shared human experience.
A recent study by Understood.org found that 87% of parents report stress and anxiety during back-to-school season, with 53% identifying it as the most stressful time of the entire year. That anxiety often comes from a place of deep love and care for your child. Your worry shows how much you want the best for them. And that's beautiful, even when it's overwhelming.
3. Mindfulness: Observing Without Spiraling
Mindfulness helps you notice your anxiety without getting swept away by it. Instead of fighting your worried thoughts or judging yourself for having them, you can observe them with curiosity.
When anxiety arises, try this mindful approach:
► "I notice I'm having worried thoughts about my child's first day"
► "This anxiety makes sense, I care deeply about my child's wellbeing"
► "These thoughts are temporary visitors, not permanent residents"
► "I can hold space for both my worry and my confidence"
Redefining Back-to-School Success
Instead of measuring success by perfect grades or zero problems, consider these self-compassionate success metrics:
Growth mindset: Did I model learning from mistakes?
Presence: Was I present during our interactions?
Self-care: Did I take care of myself so I could show up for my family?
Joy: Did we find moments of fun and laughter together?
Inviting reflection: How might you redefine back-to-school success for your family this year?
Moving Forward with Compassionate Confidence
By practicing self-compassion, you're not only taking care of yourself; you're modeling emotional regulation and resilience for your child.
Remember: Your worth as a parent isn't determined by how smoothly the school year goes. It's found in your willingness to show up, learn, adapt, and love your child through all of it.
You've got this, and you don't have to do it perfectly.
Ready to Transform Your Parenting Anxiety?
If back-to-school season has you feeling overwhelmed and you're ready to parent from a place of calm confidence rather than anxious perfectionism, I'm here to support you.
Together, we can:
Develop practical self-compassion skills for daily parenting challenges
Break free from perfectionist or anxious parenting patterns
Create sustainable strategies for managing anxiety
Build confidence in your parenting decisions
Find more balance between supporting your child and caring for yourself
Ready to get started? Schedule a consultation today to learn how therapy can help you become the calm, confident parent you want to be. Because when you take care of yourself, you're better able to take care of the people you love most.
About the Author
Kelsey Brown, LAC
Kelsey is a therapist who understands the unique challenges faced by high-achieving individuals, particularly those struggling with perfectionism and anxiety. With experience supporting overachievers, entrepreneurs, and busy parents, she combines evidence-based therapeutic approaches with practical, compassionate strategies.
Kelsey's approach focuses on helping clients develop self-compassion, break free from perfectionist patterns, and create sustainable success in all areas of life. When she's not in session with clients, you can find her exploring nature, making pottery, and continuously learning about the intersection of mental wellness and personal growth.
Connect with Kelsey:
📧 Email: kelsey@kinandgrove.com
🌐 Website: www.kinandgrove.com
📱 Instagram: @connectwithkelsey
This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If you're experiencing severe anxiety that interferes with daily functioning, please reach out to a mental health professional.
